In an earlier post10, I noted the modern feminist meme of women having it all. Unfortunately, not only does the feminist plan ensure women don’t “have it all,” it ensures what they do have will be royally screwed up. From a man’s perspective, this means they are awful (inferior, substandard, flawed) wife material.
Here is a different plan. One that allows women to achieve life’s major goals and still be good choices as wives.
Women need to marry young if they want to “have it all” in life. Through most of history, women have married in this age range.1 It has only been since 1990 (and the rise of the feminist meme) that women have started to delay marriage past this point).
And there was a good reason for this. This is the age range when women are at the peak of both their sexual and marriage value. It is when they have the most to offer a potential husband, and thus had the best chance of “marrying up” and landing the best quality husband possible.
Do women lose out on something by marrying young? They lose out on the chance to “explore their sexuality” by having sex with lots of different men. Women who go down that road end up as poor wife material. The odds they end up as an alpha widow2 are high. If a woman wants to go down that road and damage herself, she has every right to do so, but that doesn’t mean you have to marry her—so don’t.
The best time for a woman to have children is in their 20’s. Their fertility rate is high, their miscarriage rate is low, and it is the age they are the most likely to give birth to a healthy child. Plus, having children is relatively uncomplicated at this age. A woman who starts having children in her early twenties could easily have 5 or 6, if that was her desire. But, there is one reason for having children in her twenties that overrides all others:
Having children after 30 is hard—sometimes impossible—for a woman.
Human women simply weren’t designed to have babies after they are 30. Their baby making capability starts to go downhill after they hit 30—fast. Biology is what it is. If a woman wants to have children, then she needs to focus on having them in her twenties. If there’s one hard lesson that has been learned by women over the last few decades, it is this:
Women who delay attempting to have children until after they are 30 often miss out on their opportunity to become mothers.
According to a 2010 study,3 20% of women over 40 are childless (compared to only 10% in 1970). Almost all of that increase can be attributed to woman waiting till their 30’s to start having children, only to find they had become barren.
31-40 Parenting and Education
Studies demonstrating the benefits to children of having a stay at home mom are few, because the idea is politically incorrect. However, studies showing that (1) high levels of group care at a young age is associated with anti-social behavior and (2) children cared for by their mothers did significantly better in developmental tests are confirming what we know at a gut level: a child benefits from having a stay at home mom.6
This explains why, despite society drum-beating the “benefits” of being a working mother, 43% of women leave their jobs when they have children.7 Of those that remain in the workforce, 37% said they would prefer to be stay at home moms and 57% wanted to cut back on their work hours to spend more time with their children.5 They don’t, because they can’t afford it financially.
The vast majority of women want to parent their children. Under the scenario I’m laying out, they get to do that.
By 31, under this scenario, most women will be done having children. They’ll be in the stage where they are stay at home moms. Getting their kids from diapers to adulthood.
Of course, most of these years the children will be in school (elementary, middle, or high) for much of the day, leaving the mother with little to do. Betty Friedan’s “problem that has no name” amounted to nothing more than boredom. Modern appliances (from the washing machine to vacuums that run themselves) have reduced homemaking from drudgery to a nominal chore. I propose to fill that gap with education.
This is the time I suggest women go to school and get their college degree and prepare for a career. The time the kids are in school will give her plenty of time to study and attend classes. It might take her a little longer (maybe 6 years instead of 4, because she’ll probably have to go part time), but so what? She’s not a hurry under this scenario; she can afford to take her time.
There are plenty of non-traditional ways to get a degree at this point in life. From local colleges that offer programs for adults to online/distance degree programs like the one at the University of Florida8. The days when the only way to get a college degree was by living on campus for years is long gone.
The kids are older—either in high school or beyond. If she wisely took advantage of her time in her 30’s she has a college degree. It’s time to “get to work” and start a career. Forty may seem late to start a career, but look at it this way: she still has 25 years—a quarter of a century—of working life left.
Changing not just jobs, but career fields multiple times in a lifetime is now the norm. I’ve had three separate careers (retail store manager, owner of a business services company, and computer programmer) not to mention several “mini careers” (musician, fork lift operator) along the way. My experience is now common. According to the Department of Labor, the average worker changes careers (not jobs, but career fields) 3 to 5 times in their life. Establishing your career field out of high school/college and staying with it the rest of your life is now the exception, not the rule.9
A quarter of a century is plenty of time for a working career and move up the ladder—especially considering we’re talking about a solid block of 25 years. In fact, it’s the feminist work time-line—which bifurcates a woman’s career years—that makes it impossible for women to move up the business ladder.10
Women can “have it all” (marriage, motherhood, parenting their children, education and career) if they follow this time-line, but it requires her to make wise choices and live life with some level of discipline.
But what if she doesn’t want to follow this time-line? What if she insists on living life according the the feminist10 (or some other) time-line?
Don’t marry her.
That’s right, don’t marry her. Let her go her own way. Marriage is a partnership; it’s about two people that agree on life’s path, join themselves together, and then head down that path together. There’s one thing worse than not being married: making a bad marriage.
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge; but the simple pass on, and suffer for it. …A continual dropping on a rainy day and a contentious wife are alike: restraining her is like restraining the wind, or like grasping oil in his right hand. (Pr 27:12, 16 WEB)
The north wind brings forth rain: so a backbiting tongue brings an angry face. It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than to share a house with a contentious woman. (Pr 25:23-24 WEB)
A woman that wants to live life in reverse10 is dangerous; she will ruin your life. Open your eyes; see her for what she is: a danger to your life; and take refuge. Don’t attempt to change her mind or show her the errors of her ways. Why waste your time trying to restrain the wind? Simply walk away; don’t get involved with her; and whatever you do, do not marry her.